Well my computer crashed after I wore it out to its limit, but some kind gentleman fixed it all for me, and now am up and running again, thanks to the few of you that have left your coments, I wish I had more, because all the hard work that I put into writing this blog, the feed back back is terrible, even if I am using the free service, I find my site on freewebs much better, maybe am doing something wronge, I dont really know how to get feed back to my site, maybe if you have some tips, then you can let me know.

I have some deep writing on my web site here, but am not sure if I want to continue, as I said the lack of people that visit my site puts me off writing, I need some encouragement for me to carry on, well for now I am off to blog hop, I hope to come accross some good sites, untill then, take care.xx

Wow, how I have missed my blogging, I thought I might of had at least one friend to add, but yet once again I have had no visitors, lol.  

Well christmas went really well, and so has the start of the new year, I must admit my year of 2007 was quite a bad one for me, the worst thing was getting over the shock of my son getting life in prison, although I will never get over the pain of him not being around, it does get a bit easier.

I am waiting for a move at the moment, my days are over for me in this house, the only two things I will miss from living here is my bathroom and toilet window as the other house has no windows in these rooms, apart from that am ready to pack, but its early days yet as I am still waiting for the exchange forms.

I am still struggling to keep away from my speed adiction, everyday is still a struggle. but I have only relapsed once since christmas eve.

I havnt got no cards as yet, but my man who am not really with, gave me some money to put towards my new phone, so I bought him a card and a red rose with a little white teddy as a thank you for being nice,   gone are the days when I would set up a table with dinner for two, and candles with a glass of sparkling bubbly, I cut of are relationship four months ago, we were together for nearly eleven years, but I had to move on from him, we still have close contact, but I just dont feel the same about him any more, to much water under the bridge, and I have no intentions of meeting someone else, so I guess I shall celebrate valentines day on my own.

Well its been a long time since I last blogged, and once again I notice that I havnt had any visitors to my site, but I dont mind, I still love to blog.   Well all my front and back garden is finally done, gosh it was hard work, but without my mans help I certainly wouldnt have had it looking the way it is, the bushes I planted years ago are now in view, how they have grown, it makes gardening all worth while to see the beauty of gods creation.  

I have also been busy with a new site I found, its brillient and designed to write anything you want without worrying if anyone will know who you are, its called the Experienced project and I would strongly recomend it to anyone who feels the need to write about their life experiences, even just to take a look is worth it, if anyone does read my blog and goes to this wonderful site, then please leave me a comment to let me know what you think.

I have cut down on my drinking of alcohol and speed taking so much that I am more normal now then ever, am not saying its been easy but I take every day as it comes and ask for the lords blessing to give me new strenth each new day.   I still have a mountain to climb, I am far from reaching the top, but am trying to climb a step or two every day and I find my life is becoming less cluttered, I look back to how I was feeling a few months ago and never relised how much misery I was in, but thats all changing now and I must remind myself not to be so hard on judging myself for the things that I have done wrong, its about putting things right that count and thats what I am trying to do.  My home life with my children couldnt be any better, my little one has well and truley settled into secondary school now and my older daughter is well into her studies at her new colleage, I miss my son so much as I think I said before he has been given a life sentance for attempted murder, but we have all accepted that now and we must move forward.

I still have to write more on my website as that is where my deep and dark storys are kept, but I sometimes find it so hard to bring the thoughts back in my mind that I choose to ignore them, or put of writing till a later date, but I know this is un healthy and is something I must do, so am going to stop blogging now and go straight to my web page.   God bless you all.

Oh my gosh,I woke up this morning not having a clue what was what,I was so tired from visiting my son yesterday and looking after my Grand Daughter since friday gone that I slept through the alarm which meant everyone was late in getting up,my youngest daughter is now going into school at lunch time because she is to embaressed to be classed as late,I managed to get my grand daughter in nursuary but that in its self was a struggle,then the gas man came to check my hot water and stuff but although my eyes were open my brain was else where.

I had a lovely day yesterday visiting my son in prison,he looked so well and was really being possitive,my grand daughter was climbing all over him and squeeling with delight as he was blowing rasberrys on her little tummy,he said he misses his children so much but hes come to except that it will be a long time before he becomes a full time daddy again.The worst bit about visiting my son obviously is the time when I have to leave him,I look back till I cant see him no more as he returns through the door that he came out of,I swollow my tears and tell myself that everything is going to be alright,oh my God I miss him so much that my heart breaks each time I think about the years he is going to be away from me.

My plans for today is the serious house work that so desperatly needs doing,the amount of clothes that is dumped every where in each room is making me feel sick,there all clean but most of them are to small or not wanted any more so I think I will take a trip to the charity shop and put them to some use.

I had my hair cut the other day and have gone for a style that I would never of dreamed of,normally I stick to the same old bob,but this time I have gone for short at the back and kept the sides long,I must say it has done my face a favour,its given me more of a youthful look,lol,well thats what my daughter says so I will take her word for it.

Well I am going to put my Usher on full blast and open my can of lager and get stuck into my work,the sun is shining and I feel quite content with my self knowing I have seen my son and also for having his baby girl staying with me for the past five days,untill the time I blog,God bless you all.

I am so hypocritical towards my self it drives me mad.  saying that though its times like this that I attually learn quite alot about my self,  I have had a wonderful sunday from the moment I awoke to getting out of bed.   I went down my friends house and stayed a few hours and drank a few good Vodlka and coke,when I come home I fried some chicken and made some rice for my daughters and my Grand Daughter coz I knew they were starving,I kind of had the taste today for the drink,while I was up the road at my friends house she was playing all her old tunes,her heart is broken at the mo but she will recover,she told me that she loved me because I dont put her newly ex down,Why would I, her heart dont need breaking any more.  Aboutearly evening when everyone was settled my electricity went,I had to go to the kry shop which was 2 miles away,I rang my chap as he was local and asked him to walk me to the shop and thats what we done,when I got home the two small ones had fell asleep and my man was no where tired,so I done what I do best and sat up for hours while he waffled his ramblings,  I cant bare it and have told him tonight that I find his company when hes acting animated very exhusting and I cant give him my attention again when hes not even gratefull or thankful or even worse,remember the next morning what hes like,  being with an alcholic is a very lonely and empty place to be,I have noticed that having a conversation with someone that spends their time consumed with the drink is always about them selfs,when I open my mouth to try and get a word it my conversation is cut short because I am being spoken over and left sitting their again listening to the same old repeated rambling shit,I sit and count the hours that pass by,praying that he will run out of gas and drop down where ever he stands to go to sleep,but then I dont get no peace because he shouts and talks more shit while hes in noddy land which means I dont get any sleep what so ever, well enough is enough,I remember as a child when my father was on the drink , he would behave in the same manner,but when your little there is nothing you can do about it,but am a grown up women now and am having none of it,he will arrive at my door in a decent manner or dont arrive at all.

Today I will be having my little Grand-Daughter staying for a few days,She is only two and so adorable,her name is Emmaleigh and her father who is my son has just been given a life sentance in prison for attempted murder,so it is very important that I stay in Emmaleighs life often as little ones tend to forget very quickly. Her little sister Elleigh is makes me laugh,I went to see them both yesterday and normally Elleigh wont come near me,I cant even look at her without her screaming her head of,but yesterday she was all over me,I think when she saw her sister climbing all over me she thought I looked fun,she has just turned one and she also is adorable.

I will be going to my local super market today to buy Emmaleigh her food and treats,after all its no fun going to Nannys if you got no goodies,I am taking her to see her Daddy on Tuesday and I cant wait,he misses his children so much it breaks my heart,sixteen years is a long time in an adult world,it must seem like a life time from a childs point of view,but not to worry,between myself and four daughters we will make sure that my Grand babies are always close byto us,and saying that,it wouldnt be possible without their loving mother who has always allowed us access when ever we want to see the girls.

Moving on about the rest of today,I need to do some serious house work,its not that am lazy or cant be bothered,its just that I am putting in for a move and I have kind of lost heart in this place,dont get me wrong I have a lovely big 3 bedroom house with front and back garden,but due to all the personal shit that me and my girls have gone through its impossible to stay settled here,my daughters want to live closer to their father so this is what I am aiming for,the great thing about me and my ex is that we are best friends,we love are children with the same amount of love and care for them with the same inteny,how cool is that.Well am of to get ready now and I am going to do some work in the house,even if I sweep the stairs its a start,and if all goes well later this evening,I hope to do some more writing on my web page,I am finding it very hard at the mo because the story I am editing really is true,andit gives me the creeps in case something bad will happen because I am revealing things that maybe are better left un said.Take care and I hope to blog hop later,please leave a message so I visit your site.

Really by now I should be in front of my self knowing which way am going or at least what road I am on when it comes to the break up of my relationship but no not me,I gotta do things the hard way,just when I think I am stronge enough to walk away,I see him once and listen to his sad ways and what fors,then before I know it hes slept in my bed for two nights and thinks all is well,what is wronge with me,yes I love him,this I cant deny,but I am also aware that having an alcoholic as your boyfriend is having a life of emptiness and memory loss from their selfish ways.  Having spent two days in his company after giving him the cold shoulder for weeks I really thought he he relized that he was loosing me and was out to prove that he was going to mend his ways,but I watched with my own two eyes as his words fell to the way side and his memory erased all what was said when he gulped on his pint of beer towards the end of the evening,not only is the drink to blame but I also relized that he snorts alot of cocain which I believe is the cause for his loud and eratic behaviour. I have got over most of him over the past three years so am not afraid of the relationship ending as I feel thats happend already,but for what ever reason and I havnt worked it out yet,we just seem to fit like hand in glove yet couldnt be more different if we tried,oh well ,no doubt I will be blogging about him some more,untill then I hope you are happy in love.

This picture reminds me of the suffering that we have to put up with because we are the ones that are blessed.

I have to remind my self that when we commit a sin we have to pay a consequence   When I look at this picture I know who he Is ment to be but I dont think his name Is Important,I believe that the meaning of the picture Is much more Important then the name that he has been given.

This man apparently Is suffering for crimes that he did not commit,and despite all his for comings tales to tell with truth and honesty,he still died at the hands of men who believed only them selfs.

This picture reminds me of my son who has just been given a life sentance for attempted murder,did he step out of bed on that warm sunny sunday and say to himself "I think Ill try and murder today",no he never,how do I know that,because I was there.

Thats why the picture reminds me of my son,a man who has no say but Is led by the law to his pit.

I cant begin to tell you how I have driven my self up the wall and down again because no matter what I done I could not blog as my blogging service was not allowing me to. Every time I went to type, my tools would disapear,In the end after many frustrating attemps and lots of hissy fits I gave up and was going to cancel my site. But today I decided to give It one more shot and hey presto am back on board again.

In the mean time I have been busy with my piczo sites but the time was right for me to blog again and piczo Is really all about graphics and believe me Its not easy looking around the net to try and pick up pictures that no one else has got,designing the pages for people to be drawn to and hoping they will sign your guest book or at least something,but weeks can go by without a dickie bird from anyone and you become quite lonely lol. Well I got my blogging back now and I also cant wait to go blog hopping,but am away for me bath now as I have to go out so untill I get back I will say happy blogging to you all.