I am so hypocritical towards my self it drives me mad.  saying that though its times like this that I attually learn quite alot about my self,  I have had a wonderful sunday from the moment I awoke to getting out of bed.   I went down my friends house and stayed a few hours and drank a few good Vodlka and coke,when I come home I fried some chicken and made some rice for my daughters and my Grand Daughter coz I knew they were starving,I kind of had the taste today for the drink,while I was up the road at my friends house she was playing all her old tunes,her heart is broken at the mo but she will recover,she told me that she loved me because I dont put her newly ex down,Why would I, her heart dont need breaking any more.  Aboutearly evening when everyone was settled my electricity went,I had to go to the kry shop which was 2 miles away,I rang my chap as he was local and asked him to walk me to the shop and thats what we done,when I got home the two small ones had fell asleep and my man was no where tired,so I done what I do best and sat up for hours while he waffled his ramblings,  I cant bare it and have told him tonight that I find his company when hes acting animated very exhusting and I cant give him my attention again when hes not even gratefull or thankful or even worse,remember the next morning what hes like,  being with an alcholic is a very lonely and empty place to be,I have noticed that having a conversation with someone that spends their time consumed with the drink is always about them selfs,when I open my mouth to try and get a word it my conversation is cut short because I am being spoken over and left sitting their again listening to the same old repeated rambling shit,I sit and count the hours that pass by,praying that he will run out of gas and drop down where ever he stands to go to sleep,but then I dont get no peace because he shouts and talks more shit while hes in noddy land which means I dont get any sleep what so ever, well enough is enough,I remember as a child when my father was on the drink , he would behave in the same manner,but when your little there is nothing you can do about it,but am a grown up women now and am having none of it,he will arrive at my door in a decent manner or dont arrive at all.